Bullet Journals, School Journals, Dream Journals...

I've never been one to stay organized or even write down my thoughts as much as I have been lately. But, I feel that its one of the most awesome things I have come to do.

I have three journals in which I write in regularly, one in which I write in almost every day and the other two at least once a week -- depending on my thoughts for our Homeschooling or the dreams I have had the night before.

Dream journal - O.M.G. if you don't have one of these and have weird dreams that you feel have an underlying meaning to you, this is one of the best things to record and decipher your dreams. Dreams are our subconscious' way of telling us things we don't realize or don't want to realize in our waking moments, so recording them and then thinking back on them later could be helpful to figure out any personal problems or any memories in which you don't want to remember. I have realized many things about my own self by recording my dreams and meditating on them later, or even talking with my husband about them. There are plenty of places online to also look up meaning to certain things in your dreams such as animals and things they do, although I don't suggest any one website in which all of their possible meanings are true, I usually just go through and read a few before I decided what exactly was the reason for one thing in my dream and even then I still meditate on it, later on, to see if it's truly the meaning that was represented in my own dream. I also have my children doing this as well, especially if its a dream they feel weird about or remember very well.

School journal - This is something I use to keep up with my thoughts and various resources I may have found online to enhance our school days. I use it to really just keep organized even through keeping up with their work finished and to-do. I write down my thoughts about the kids learning as well and what I feel we could change to help understand different lessons. This helps to me to make sure that the kids are on track with what I have planned and that I know they're keeping up with the things I am trying to teach them. It has helped so much now -- I was using Easy Peasy and I still love it and still refer to it with some things, but I wanted to do homeschool to spend more time with each other and to not stare at a screen all day for "school" and this is only a personal preference. I do very much still love Easy Peasy and do use her resources as well in our "new" schooling but I prefer to have us away from screens more than EP usually does. So, having this journal has helped me keep my head on straight while still keeping up with three children and all their different grades and lessons and work to complete.

Bullet Journal - This thing. This. If you haven't heard of these please, I urge you to either search on google or Pinterest. These things are just... It's a blank book with dots spread on the pages for you to personalize it COMPLETELY to your own liking. This was the biggest reason I started on and I will not go back to a store-bought planner that's already laid out for me. I can keep up with my meals, weight loss, bill paying, and everyday activities while having a space to go in depth if need be or to just keep it simple. and I can change the layout whenever I want, add any pages I want, and add all the colors I want. It's the perfect planner for someone who likes to change things up or to be as personalized as possible. I use Northbooks journals simply because, its simple and made in the U.S. and honestly - cheaper than Moleskin and Leuchtturm1917 books. They have been fantastic so far so I haven't felt any need to try out the more expensive brands. I highly recommend trying one out even if you don't think you would use it enough, I didn't think I would and I'm already on my second one. I used to buy planners and write down various things in which I thought I would need to keep up with, hours I would have worked, anything weird that happened with my children, places we would go to for vacation and now I still write these down but I also go in depth with it as well almost like a planner and diary mixed together and the best part is that I get to personalize it exactly to how I want it to look without worrying about anything already being on the paper. I didn't think I would use it because of the time consumption in making out the weekly/monthly/daily layouts but its one of the best parts I get to be a bit creative and it's soothing to draw the boxes and write elegantly, since that's something I'm lacking lately by being a SAHM. It's one of the things that I just feel I couldn't live without now. 

So, there you go three things you can start doing today (well two if you don't homeschool) to help keep your thoughts separated yet together and to personalize a planner and actually use it.

Anxiety, Depression and fear, oh my!

This is a picture from walk with my children the past week during school

 I've tried keeping my blog posts to be more towards the postive sides and even now I am trying this, even with the caption at the top... Which describes what I will be touching base with today. In the past 2-3 years I've slowly turned into a very anxious and at one point very depressed soul -- though I am not sure as to exactly what my breaking point was to make me be this anxious I know that I have both hated and loved it. I loved the fact of always being home, not feeling rushed to go places and not having to change out of "comfy clothes" but on the other hand I knew, and still know because I am still struggling, I had to make a change, staying home like this and being this scared of everything wasn't healthy, and I needed to show my kids how to be strong adults and be able to go out and do things for themselves. But I was and still am scared to do these things. Sometimes when I have my children with me I am a bit stronger than when I am alone -- I pull myself together to show them that I am able to do things without needing a gaurdian and that its normal to go into the world to shop or pay bills or to simply eat a meal outside of the house every once in a while.

Now, that being said - today was an extraordinary day for me... Not that anything extravagent happened but I was able to get myself ready and go to the store alone... Not even with my children who are sometimes my rock when I need some encouragement. I was there alone and even got all of the things I went into the store to get -- there have been times, even when I had my husband or children with me that I just completely avoided an aisle with many things I needed to purchase simply because there were too many people in it, or too many people in the store period. I can't tell you how many times I've just said nope, we will choose something different and didn't look back, well, until we were home and I realized I should have gotten it because now I would have to change our whole meal plan or now I would have to improvise with another product. 

There was this one stretch where the only times I would get out of my own bed were to use the bathroom and get drink -- though they are dark days and sometimes my memory of them are blurry I know they happened and I know my kids wondered just how well I really was. Depression is a terrible thing... Luckily I realized early on in mine what I needed to do to better myself and I've slowly made my way back up with the help of them and my husband. I didn't involve them to show them how terrible I was or make them feel sorry for me to show them that even though we are down... Really, really down we CAN get back up. We CAN ask for help. We CAN be vulnerable. We CAN mend. It was a complete relationship changer for myself and my children. Before being depressed I can't remember if I every really did let them see me in a raw emotional state and well, I can't really remember every allowing myself to be in a raw emotional state and them seeing that even though you "grow up" you can still have big emotions was eye opening to them. They realized that emotions are with us no matter what age we are and that to feel them is the perfect thing to do with them. Somehow they were under the impression that grown-ups do not cry (though not from me) and seeing me being this open just made them realize feeling emotions was sad at times but what we needed to grow and to be open with ourselves and others.

I'm just really hoping this post can help someone who may be having a difficult time and feel there is no end in sight.... There is, my friend. I, for a long time, did not believe this but after my revelation and positive outcome today, I believe it wholeheartedly.

Mediation is key.. and sometimes a good book.

My last post was about how I cope with stress and ways in which I try to recenter myself when I know I become unbalanced.

It hasn't been easy and it hasn't been short, just now weeks later am I starting to realize the little but huge ways in which I brought myself back from the "beyond."

Meditating!

Meditating is key --- I know, I know, a lot of people feel meditation is too long or too hard to tackle. But you would be amazed at what a mere five minutes can do on an overly stressful day, and even when you don't feel you have an extra five minutes because of work or family or just life thats when you need to take it the most. I've slowly including a short 5-10 minute meditation with homeschool for my kids and even they say they feel a complete turn around from how they're minds and attitudes felt before doing so. I know sometimes trying to teach children how to just sit and be with themselves can seem even more stressful than including them but I have a four-year-old, a seven-year-old and an 11 year-old who all three have their own personalities and hate sitting still but I've used headspace to help them in learning how to let their mind free and it has done a world of difference in helping them see how to quiet their mind and also let their mind run free. We've only done the 10 day free trial and since then I have been showing them how I meditate... Such as, how I use mantra's, mala beads, sage burning and candles, and even tibetan singing bowls or listening to monks chant. When I allowed them a peak into my sacred meditation practices they let me know it was different than headspace but also nice because in a way I taught them that meditating is what they make of it. I did not coach them on what to do, how to sit, or what to make their mind do.

The first thing I showed them was sage and the way the smoke rises and blows and how relaxing the smell can be and of course the benefits of burning it. Then as I told them to watch the smoke I noticed (and they did too) an energy shift in them, they were very moody and hyper then slowly calmed down. Once they were calm I told them they could close their eyes now and think or not think or do whatever their minds wanted and even let them know that my own mind sometimes played storiers for me. I've also taught them about manifesting with an awesome back story to which they could relate. Then I let the music play and I kept up with the minutes and my younger two children getting antsy and slowly brought the music down and the lights up. They all let me know they enjoyed that so, maybe you too can start with headspace and move into your own sacred meditations.



Now, a good book!


I think I have shared this one before but, its too good not to do it again, I am rereading it now, The Untethered Soul is an awesome book in learning about your mind and ways to reprogram it. But sitting down with a good book and escaping the stresses of life can really just make a huge difference. I noticed once I was reading and actually into a good book that I was less stressed out than before and enjoyed that feeling. Even if you're not an avid reader or barely touch books just a short time every day could make a huge difference in your life. Start with shorter books and work your way up, or start with a series -- Harry Potter (my favorite and its rereadable), Percy Jackson, The Hunger Games -- I could go on and on but a good book... Is just perfect for an overactive mind and a stressed out one!

So, I'm trying an unschooling approach.

Let me start off by saying...

Wow, a morning with kids can get very sidetracked and then your mind can be so frazzled by it, you don't even remember stating that you would be back with curriculums --- sorry for that!

I am back but I do not bring curriculums, I do however bring cheap ink links and some knowledge about how I plan to run our school in two weeks, TWO WEEKS, TWO. WEEKS?! Where has our summer and time gone?!


Oh yeah, were taking an easy four day a week schooling year and a couple of out-of-town field trips, one is even going to Florida! (more on that in my post about it, or leading up, or both!)

This is my first morning all summer without children. I usually get a few but this summer has been different and even though I have loved it so much, I'm also enjoying silence and hot coffee! I've been planning like crazy, printing things, finding certain websites which will help and entertain while teaching my kids, apps that will help them learn for whenever it's quiet time or taking a trip.

I've scoured the web for freebies and cheap things alike, and I have come to the conclusion of wanting to "unschool" instead of  traditional schooling at home. Of course, there will still be traditional times of schooling but in my state, thankfully, we don't have to provide curriculums or even grading for that matter - just attendance, one standardized test scores and shot records! Whew, it means I can be as organized or unorganized as I want and for now it will be okay.

But I plan to have more hands-on experiences and lessons than reading about or writing about them.

I do have plenty of printables that will go hand in hand with our hands-on approach so, they will be able to keep up with what's going on without feeling "too bored" by it. Oh yeah, since we're talking about printing -- it uses up quite a bit of ink, by the way, especially printing for three children so with that being said -- I use an HP printer and my black ink alone at the local super store is $20.00 or so. So, I ran out of ink and just couldn't bear to spend that much on one cartridge, so I took to amazon to see what their prices are and they have a pack of black, and color for only $28. That's two for only a few extra dollars than just one! Check it out here!

Once my inks get in and I can finish my printouts I'll share with you where I found them, prices if any, and how I plan to use them!

Homeschool and Zzzquil

It's 7 am, I've been awake since 5 and alone since 6 this has came to be a rare occasion since the start of summer. But also one I haven't missed. Being the stay at home spouse and parent can sometimes come with its downside of being alone during some of the brightest and most awakened parts of the day. Having two children who were in school from 7:45-3 PM and a husband who sometimes leaves before daybreak means some conversations with my then three-year-old were sometimes one sided and her advice wasn't always perfect, but in a lot of ways helped: such as her best friend is the sun -- he makes it warm for her and he grows all of our plants. Now that's some advice I should take into mind and become best friends with the sun as well.

But this morning as I checked on the girls who had taken refuge on the couch, just because staying up late was too much, I realized how absolutely perfect life has been since having them home from school and how incredibly excited I am to start not only teaching them about life at home but teaching them all subjects and never having to debate on things we can or can't do because of public schooling. That's right, we are state official have our own school name "Blooming Lotus" and ID number.

I've already began planning out our field trips vacations weeks and curriculums --- although I could have done this beforehand I absolutely DID not want to count my ducks before they hatched. I also wanted to wait on back to school tax free shopping which won't happen until this coming weekend but hey, a mom can get excited can't she?


As soon as I finish the curriculums I'll definitely be back to share that with you guys, but another thing I wanted to touch base with was that I am a product tester meaning, I receive products at a free cost for my honest opinion and with that being said I received Zzzquil to try out for sleep.

Sometimes being a mom can wear you out so much until your not even sleepy at all and I know when this happens I spend my nights preplanning the next day or days or even planning into next week. I'll think about things that I forgot to do today and beg myself to lie in bed and fall asleep with no avail. So, trying out Zzzquil a few nights ago proved worth it. I had requested my homeschooling approval and sent all the proper paperwork but a waiting game is a game I never like playing, so waiting stressed me out and I spent the rest of the day moving and rearranging and double checking my email every 30 minutes or so, needless to say once I had nothing to distract my mind I was lying in bed analyzing until I realized "hey, I've got this awesome non-habit forming Zzzquil, tonight is the night" I was asleep within 30 minutes and slept uninterrupted for 8 and a half hours! I almost felt like a teenager again! This stuff is awesome. I didn't wake up feeling drowsy or loopy, like I thought, I was actually amazingly refreshed and ready for the day. I will definitely look into purchasing a box for such occasions when my mind tells me to stay up.


As stated before I received this product free for testing purposes and to leave my honest feedback.

So, as you guys have read before I plan to start homeschooling my children this fall, and if you haven't read it already yet then hey, I plan to homeschool my kids and help give any insight to other homeschool moms about how I teach my kids and our day to day in teaching. I do not plan to buy any kind of curriculum and am hoping to try out just going by interest led. I have planned our year around the various jobs and the things my children love the most, such as -- my seven-year-old wants to grow up working with animals so we have based her main science around animals and of course we will continue learning the other parts of science and doing awesome experiments but since she wants to work with animals we are including quite a bit of animal sciences in. My son who is 11 has decided he wants to work more with marine animals and the ocean so we are including marine sciences in with his school work to help him learn more about what he would want his profession to be.

With this I feel like they are enjoying the thought of being homeschooled more because not only am I including their thoughts and the things they want to learn about in, but I'm also including the things that they are passionate about themselves. I really feel like since I am also having them express their likes that they are going to be more enthusiastic an excited to learn each day.

Being that I plan to homeschool them this morning I asked each to draw and write me a story of what they're most awesome summer vacation to be. Without too much problems each wrote four sentences with a littl coaching to write one more. They were well thought out sentences and only one misspelled word which really made me happy. But, seeing that it is summer and I am not trying to start schoolwork right now I thought that having this small amount of a brain workout would help them throughtout and they had to earn their electronics with this so, win-win for all of us.

Todays post is mainly about how easily it was for these guys to do some small amount of work for a summer reward and it showed me how excited I am to start homeschooling them this fall!

Live journals or whatever they're supposed to be called..

I read a few weeks ago that keeping a live journal was something that was very beneficial to your mind and well being... I mean I've kept a dream journal now for over a year and I know it really helps when I have those weirdly real dreams and how to decode them. The thing is is that I find it odd to write about my days whenever I feel that there has been no huge accomplishment or anything I need to decipher through. Why else should I keep a journal and write down that I woke up late, had a brunch, cleaned my house fixed some yummy vegan lasagna and then decided to call it an early night? This to me seems very odd to write about, but when I read about a live journal well, it was about writing down thoughts as they come, things you want to remember but usually never do. Things you want to do when the thought comes to mind quotes you hear and want to remember. It's basically just something to have on standby so that you don't forget the things you thought you would remember.

I thought this was the most brilliant idea ever, I mean I was like whoa why haven't I thought of that, I should have a book tucked away that would be perfect for that.

By the way, book tucked away is my term for --- I had seen a gorgeous journal in a store and I just had to buy it, not to write in it right away but it was too gorgeous to leave behind and I knew I would need it for something someday, I have probably close to 100, including some my mother had stashed away that I ran upon.

So, I've picked out my perfect journal to start writing in and I have it beside me, but I just haven't been able to pick it up yet. I don't know if its the taboo of not seeing the point in journaling, or the taboo that I have made journal books to be about preserving until the right thing... How will I ever know the right thing for a certain book?

I guess the point is, is that you may never know the right time for anything, there might be other variances that are making you prolong your decision but don't let that stop you from going after and doing what you so desperately want do to...

And now.... I journal


-Love and Light

Earth day activities

As well, many of you should know this past Friday April 22nd was Earth Day, not only do I believe it should be celebrated every day I do try to make the day special for myself and kids.

Not only was this activity less than $5, when bought at my local Dollar Tree, it was super fun for everyone including us adults.


We started off by planting some lavender and marigold seeds which I had previously bought, so it might end up costing around $8-$10. The lavender we will eventually use to make our own essential oils with and possibly soaps or candles. The marigolds will be used outside to help deter mosquitos and keep critters from eating our garden. Both of course, will help to feed and fuel the bees which is one of our number ones when planting.

If you didn't know, bees are having a terrible time right now, with people killing them with pesticides and getting rid of a lot of their foods please look it up.. Here are a few links.

Greenpeace
BeeRaw
SaveBees

Please do not depend solely on these few links I have provided you, look into yourself and do your own research! While you're at it check into global warming and how we can change our effects on the Earth itself. We are killing our mother with no regard to her.  We must change as a whole. Share your thoughts and help people see and be the change!


Next, we made some super cool paper mache globes equipped with tiny holes to show light through with a battery operated tea light candle or a small flashlight. This was started with the use of old papers, newspapers, and magazines which we no longer needed and wanted to find a new use for. We let this dry for two days well, it could've been shorter but we had a fun filled weekend. Then we layered blue tissue paper allowed it to dry around 30 minutes and then layered on green to form our land masses. This was then allowed to dry for around 2 hours to be super sure it was ready to have holes poked in to it. Once the holes are in your ready to a super cool handmade lamp of the earth!

To make these yourself here is what you need:
Balloons
Newspaper torn into strips
Tissue paper in blue and green torn into random shapes.
"Mache Glue" (check below)
Skewer for poking holes

So, start off by blowing the balloon up to the size you would like to have, round is better though to portray the earth.  When the balloons are tied off start by dipping the newspaper into the mache glue, (I used and old butter bowl so that all the tiny hands and mine included could fit without making a super huge mess, but the mess was fun too) and laying it across the balloon. Makre sure you are learving room at the tie for popping the balloon later. Continiue to layer the news paper on, in any kind of pattern until its covered. Allow the paper to dry completely, we left ours a couple of days, but it should only take a few hours. Onces its dry take the tissue paper in blue and cover the newspaper. Do not dp the tissure paper and be a bit easier when smoothing it out as its very delicate. What we did here was dab some glue onto the news paper and then stick the tissue paper to it and then easily rub the mache with glue until the was stuck down. We let the blue dry for around 30 minutes, in the sun. Then we started adding on the green in various land mass shapes, though none were perfect to our earth, in the same fashion as adding the blue by dabbings glue until it stuck. Then we let the globes dry for around 2 hours just to be sure they were ready. Next I took a metal skewer and held the end of the balloon where the tie was so it didnt get lost inside and poked a hole so the balloon would deflate. Once the air was out I gently pulled the balloon out of the paper. Last, if you children are old enough allowing them to poke their own holes is fine, but I had to poke them for my youngest two, just take the skewer and make holes in the green land masses for adding in a battery operated tea cup candle, please do not use real candles as these are paper and are sure to catch fire. If you do not have these candles using a small flashlight should work as well.


My kids have absolutely fallen in love with theirs and the mess it took to make them.

I almost forgot we used a nontoxic edible (if you want) mache glue, which ended up making the waters on our globe look very realistic, such as waves and movements of the oceans.


The "glue" is a mixture of one part flour with two parts water since we made three balloons I used 1/4 cup of flour to 1/2 cup of water and it was enough and a little extra to complete our balloons.



This was something my kids are still talking about and wanting to make more of, now its wanting to make a paper mache pinata, which who wouldn't want to make one of those. I had an amazing time and felt so much like a kid again, it was also a good time to teach my kids about reusing and also what we can do to help the earth and the bees. Simple lessons taught with awesome crafts <3

So, I know I'm all over the place...

But, please tell me one adult who has three children who doesn't go from something to the next and if you can I am gonna tell you that they are not a human being.

But anyway, in the past couple of weeks I went from dreadlocks to death and today, I'm going to be letting you guys know that I am gonna go into blogging about homeschooling my three children this fall.

What fun right?! Well, I mean it will be, not only will my children spend more time with me but they will all three get one-on-one time with teaching and will be taught at their own pace. Unlike public schools. Now, I'm not putting anyone who has children in public schools, or public schools themselves down, but homeschool for us is the best decision right now.

And, with my new found blogging item, I hope to help someone who is on the fence about whether or not they want to homeschool.

So, with that being said what I am hoping to cover when I start are; time management, balancing school and house work, cheap or free curriculums, making your own curriculums, science projects that are cheap and fun, and helpful pages.

I know that could be considered a lot to some and small to others, but with my starting a homeschool and also trying to blog about it, for now, I want to keep it at those and as I go along add or take away them as I see fit. It's all a learning process right, pun intended.

I must admit, my kids and I are all very excited to start this new journey. They've begged me to take this out before ending this school year at their public school, but I've asked them to finish this one out since they have major field trips that are non-refundable and there are only two more months left.

I am, of course, going to try taking the frugal way out of this and start our first year by making our curriculums or finding the cheapest one possible. Though I am not making our school religious keep in mind that if you were to start you could make yours that way.

As of right now, I'm guessing my first homeschool post other than this one will be about curriculums,  and if I do end up buying them I will review the various ones that I try out so that will also help you guys if you were to decide on doing it yourselves.

I had a small epiphany

A few days ago my daughter found, who has been scared of anyone getting sick since my mother passed, found out what was actually going on with my grandmother... As far as she knew before this, she thought my grandmother was just getting old and we were hanging out extra times just to be together. As much as I would have loved for this to continue until the end, my grandmother wanted her to know the truth and told her.

It did make me a little upset as I know how sensitive she is about sickness and thinking everyone around her is going to get sick and leave her as well, but I got over it quickly as she seemed to understand this more than what had been happening with my mom, which was two years ago so shes had time to think and come to terms. So, now she knows.


But also with her knowing shes been on this whole, what is death kick. These are questions I've asked myself and I've always been "well, its like sleeping" But, the other day she asked me and it made me start questioning it again. What I somewhat quickly let her know, what that its the next journey for your soul, its the next part of life but no one is sure what it is because its your own journey. (How's that for some cool sounding stuff?!) But really.. What is death?

It made me think, I meditated the next morning in silence before the pitter-patter of tiny feet and I kept coming to different conclusions and thinking about what happens when you pass in this life. Do you end up on an alien planet and not remember where you were before that, do you just, as I said before, sleep and dream happy things -- but if you brain activity stops, how then do you dream? Do you float around in a mystical realm where you are invisible to human eyes but continue to live on earth, does your light and soul just die out leaving you with nothing but blackness until you yourself and just gone?

All these things kept coming up and after reading Proof of Heaven I really hope what is next is as he described it. Though as I said it may be very different than someone else and I definitely need to look into this more, but these are my thoughts from the other day and what I hope to see.

But anyway as I'm thinking about death, I'm also thinking what is when we do pass we are then reincarnated into another human being but if we are conscious enough in this life once we get there we can remember what went on in this one so that the mistakes if any were made aren't made with the new one. What if that's how all of the awesome and super outgoing people are how and why they are like they are, I mean, if you were conscious enough to let yourself know in the "in-between" and the next life wouldn't you not make mistakes or not keep quiet when inside you wanted to scream? That's not me saying well, if you are outgoing then its only because of your previous life because, honestly I don't know how it works, these are just some of the thoughts I had and have no been able to digest only spewing out what I thought, in hopes that I'm not the only one thinking about death or about what comes next.

But what if, you aren't as conscious in this life, and you go into the next one as a newborn human and you grow up, and these decisions come up and you keep thinking to yourself no I need to change it to this and you make all these amazing decisions while feeling inside that you "just knew" what if its your consciousness that deep down remembers and doesn't want you to repeat your previous life and is pushing you to choose the way you are..

I know that we are all conscious beings, just some do not think in the way of this, but we all just beings walking around as humans, we are all just souls who are portrayed as beings. But what if even if we don't remember, our "conscious" mind doesn't but our "subconscious" does and it is what drives us to make the decisions that really affect our lives.



I've really got to stop here though, I'm starting to go into this whole other context and I feel I need to think and sit on this before starting to ramble on this post.

I'll make the new post about my findings. Keep up <3

Dreads..

Completely thought I had touched base with this subject when I first started this blog, but obviously I had left it only on my tumblr. So, I found the other post and now I am posting it here for you guys!




While I, have only tried a couple of ways mixed there are a few out there.

---

• Neglect - Which is basically just not brushing your hair and allowing the dreads to manifest on their own, which is perfectly fine for some, but they are not as tidy as other methods.
• Crochet - Which is sectioning off the hair in as big or as small of sections as you want and taking a tiny crochet hook usually .75 millimeter and matting the hair up while crocheting “hooking” hair from a downward angle / kind of like this slant.. This gives you the best dread look as soon as your done, but be careful because those hooks really hurt if you poke yourself. ( I have applied this to my hair but a little differently, as I do a direct side - to side angle as this dash, because I do not want to lose length or get them too tight I want them to lock on their own )
• Back-combing - Which as you can guess you section the hair off and you start close to your head and back comb your way down the length of your hair. This method if helpful to someone who wants tidy dreads that form on their own after helping them get started. ( This is my method, I used this so I could choose the girth of my dreads and go ahead and have them as before I started this journey I was very impatient. )
• Twist and Rip - Which as you again can guess, you twist them and then rip them apart. Start by back combing about two inches of your hair from your scalp, then you divide the hair into two halves twist once, let go grab it again and pull from opposite holding positions so that the hair entangles each other. Which is another method of getting the dread feel and allowing them to mature on their own.

These are all the methods that I have personally kept up with and have the most knowledge about. Please feel free to leave any questions about starting dreads if you would like. I will most certainly answer them to the best of my knowledge or point you in the right direction.

You know what I haven't talked about lately?

Dreadlocks..

I mean I do have them and I use it as a basis of my blog life, but I haven't mentioned them for some time now. I think its time. My journey since first starting them in 2014 had ended and began again, so I feel I have learned quite a few tricks for dreading hair, although the locks that I am currenly wearing have no tricks and barely any organization. Though my first set of locks which had 70+ were handmade and hand measured. My new set was started off as such, but when I really started to think about it I knew I wanted them to do their own thing so as of right now I am around 30 with only 1/3 of my hair being locked which is the under part at my neck and some on the sides. Some of these dreadlings are quite tiny while others are around 4mm which is roughly the size most of mine were with my first set.

Though I would love to tell you some cute styles or easy up-dos for dreadlocks I am a very simple person and a bun works just fine for me. I mean I know some people have to figure out elegant types of looks for working but I am very lucky to say that I get to stay home and usually don't have to worry about how I look. Other than when I want to look nice for my husband. But simple styles is my go to no matter where I am going and I must say I am almost pro material for messy buns but I can pull them off so well now.

Along with letting my hair lock up neglect style I rarely do any maintenance, other than helping a few straggles of loose hair lock up with my crochet hook I haven't locked up any of my roots that have grown out since starting my locks. I also have wispy ends, which means I left around 3 inches unlocked at the ends to have a little extra length and I like it that way. My first set I tried the whole blunt tipped locks and really ended up hating them, so much so that I started brushing them out and realized halfway through I was only doing it because I hated the ends.

Cleaning and Maintenance
I'm sure if you have heard of dreadlocks then you've heard the whole "dirty hippy" nonsense that you either can't wash your hair or you don't. Well, it all rests on how you want to wear your own hair but I was my dreads at least twice a week, but that's my preference. Some people wash every other day and some wash only once a week, while others may only wash once a month. I have naturally dry hair always have and before dreads I would wash my hair only twice in one week so my washing habits did not change when going for this hairstyle, so yours don't have to either.
As far as shampoos, well you are going to have to research and figure out which shampoo is going to work with your hair instead of causing buildup. Buildup isn't something you want in your hair. But, if you do happen to get some I'll share with you my deep cleaning recipe. I usually deep clean every other month from spring to fall, well because of being outside doing yard work, sweating, vacations with sand, just more outside and dirtier kinds of things to be done. During the winter I might deep clean twice if I feel I need it, maybe even just once.

Now, like I stated earlier maintenance really is a personal preference and you don't have to do it. A lot of people don't and it is what suits them and their personal choice. I do light maintenance, such as helping new dreads starting out lock up and not look so fuzzy and huge. However, I do not to root maintenance which is that I just let my roots grow as normal without locking them as they grow. I may change and start locking them once they get a certain length but I also might just let my hair grow doing its own things, its just something that you grow with and figure out as you go. Were I to do maintenance on my dreads I usually take a .75mm crochet needle (here) and just push it through horizontally since I am just getting in loose hairs, and pull it half way through and kind of move it out a tiny bit as to make it let go of the hair and continue this way until all the loose hairs are inside. I know this may sound confusing, but there are a lot of youtubers who can walk you through with this kind of maintenance, I however do not have a channel and would not want to record myself. Once you see it and get the hand actions, its very simple to do.


Deep Cleaning Recipe

You will need a large bowl, or one of those inflatable bed shampoo pillows.
As hot of water as you can stand
Juice from half a lemon
1 Tablespoon of baking soda
4-6 drops lavender essential oil
3-4 drops peppermint essential oil
3-4 drops tea tree essential oil

apple cider vinegar in a pouring bottle

stools

Okay, so start off by filling the bowl with enough water to dip your hair into and it be fully submersed. Mix in the baking soda, lemon, and essential oils -- although I stated to use this aount in your water it all depends upon your nose and how much of these smells together you can handle, peppermint is a very strong essential oil and sometimes even I only use one to two drops in my water. Swirl it around, it may bubble but thats just the baking soda and lemon mixing and perfectly normal. Get your stools set up to hold your body and you lie with your head dipping into the bowl. Soak for at least 15 minutes to as long as you want. Once you've finished soaking, squeeze the excess out of your hair into your bowl and then rinse with ACV. After that you can either use a shampoo to "wash" your hair or just rinse the ACV out with water and go about your bath or shower.



Hope these help, I'll definitely try to make more dreadlock posts!

Vegan Enchilada Casserole

So, its sunny, well right now anyway, in NC and you can tell that spring is here and hopefully here to stay!

My kids spent all day, literally, outside. Its 5PM and theyve just now come in doors.

Its absolutely beautiful outside but also quite yellow, which also means I've been out there with them and since its so warm and I don't want to slave over the stove I bring you my version of a vegan enchilada casserole which only takes 30 minutes from start to plate! Perfect right?!

Now, along with this casserole, I just received an LG stylo so of course I had to try out its camera, so its where all the pictures were taken and though I love the camera maybe I should learn food photography as its just simple pictures... But I definitely recommend this phone, especially coming from always choosing iPhones.

Anyway, recipe:

1 box couscous (I buy mine from aldi, which is an amazing place to shop! But the box is roughly around a cup)
1 can 10 oz green or red enchilada sauce (I prefer red)
1 can 4.5 oz green chili's
1 can 10 oz, bag, or fresh corn (around 1 cup)
1 can 10 oz black beans drained and rinsed
1-2 cups left over taco meat (vegan of course)
1-2 medium sized avocados
2-3 Roma tomatoes
Mozzarella and cheddar cheeses (you can measure but I never do and usually just go with what I feel is a good amount)

Cook couscous according to package which usually only takes 5 minutes, yay couscous!! Drain both the corn and the chilis, you only have to rinse the black beans and all of this could be done while the couscous is cooking. Once the couscous is done mix it along with the beans, corn, chilis, and enchilada sauce, left over taco meat and some of both cheeses. I usually make the couscous in a medium sized bowl so I can mix them all together in it and keep more dishes clean. Once its mixed together pour it into an 8X8 casserole dish. Then sprinkle with more cheese and bake in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes. Top with avocado and tomatoes serve and enjoy!

So this entire post was supposed to be added last Saturday! I'm guesing my mobile blogger app was being a bit crazy but anywho, here it is...

Sorry I've been away I took the week off along with the children and even delivered kittens Tuesday night, but that's another post ❤

My mind is blank...

You know, ever since I made my previous post about my epiphany moments, my mind has been in a complete shutdown mode, you know where you can't even get it to hush for five minutes of peace.

I'm going back and forth over why I wrote all those things out in the public whenever the things I wrote weren't even about what exactly was going on during my epiphany moments, you know. It's just amazing me how much my mind thinks it needs to protect itself whenever its itself that it need protecting from....

I'm currently locked into the book I shared before, The Untethered Soul, and its all about how your mind is your biggest uplifter and your biggest down fall and its gotten myself and my mind into overdrive with how I should not be listening to this book and how I should continue listening to myself and my fear whenever I know I shouldn't which is of course why I made my previous post and why I am continuing to make this one.


Though I would love to continue with my previous and go further into what I was hopefully getting across to you, I fear I will have to take a few days off to just bring myself back into, well myself.

Though I do hope that you bear with me I thought I would give an update as to why I have no went more in depth yet, but blame it on my mind, my inner roommate, so to say.

I will try meditating the next few days to try and figure out everything going on inside there...

Turning point of sorts

I started this blog off with intentions of posting, DIY's along with recipes and how being vegan/vegetarian can be super yummy, filling and down right amazing for yourself and those poor factory farmed animals!

But this post will be, sort of personal. If everything comes out the way I am hoping it will be the most personal yet!

But I would rather take it slow than jump into it and this post might even take more than a few minutes, hours or days to write out... I'm just hoping to get my point across and to be understood at the same time, I don't think that I can be the only one feelings these kinds of thoughts of realizing these kinds of things about themselves or their life, so maybe this will be good for someone other than myself.

Okay so let me start, I've read lately about how we see the world and other people in it are also ways in which we see ourselves, such as --- I find a problem with my husband about how he handles situations, but also when I think about it and meditate on it I find that I handle problems the same way and in reality I am not mad at how he handles them but mad at myself for handling them in the same way (THIS IS NOT SAYING THAT MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE THIS PROBLEM JUST USING A MADE UP EXAMPLE)

Now, if I am seeing what I dislike about myself in other people then I feel like I should work on that right? Well, yes and no, because even though I have noticed and seen my problems reflected in my outside world I still continue to consciously and internally press these issues and my huge dislike for them, which is both good and bad. I mean to get over these problems and change your life you have to confront the problems inside and figure out what exactly is causing them, which is where my problems come in...

Though I do remember parts of my childhood I do not remember enough to figure out some of the reasoning behind my angering reflections of my inner self, which means that I would have to do some long sitting and digging -- alone now, since I do not have my mother to ask and interrogate about myself as a child, and because I do not entrust my raw emotional state with anyone other than her and my husband, who was not around for my childhood.


But lately during my late night, zen music induced meditation baths I have slowly came to some realizations about my outer world being my inner world, and some have been epiphany-like while others were like I had known all along and have just been avoiding them, which could be said for all of them as I have been aware of various things but have just not wanted to think or talk about them, which is what makes me, me.

But what I've began to notice is how I project myself into people around me, I can literally see myself in everyone I come in to contact with lately, be it my husband or my children even my sister at a couple of points. What I am seeing and already knowing about are things that I am greeting with an, oh you finally caught up with me and I'm thinking about you now, kind of way but the others which I kind of have a light bulb moment are ones that are just absolutely throwing me and I am in awe of how much I did NOT see it coming or even begin to notice it.

But right now, I am going to have to end this post.
Yes, I know I'm cutting off right before getting into it, and well, I hope that if you're enjoying what I'm saying then you will come back in a day or two for me to finish this up and get my words correct with whats going on inside my head.

And, I really hope that you into what I'm talking about <3

Oh by the way, here are the couple of books that are making me slowly pan into these revelations. and go check them both out, so far they have been beyond amazing for both a read and learning about myself in ways I did not think possible.

Bath Fizzies... Or Bombs, whichever you prefer

You know how I told you guys I make bath bombs? Well here are the first three I plan on selling. I've been through recipes and finally found one that is my absolute favorite!

These particulars happen to be energizing citrus and perfect for those weekend morning where you just wanna be a little lazy and relax in a bath before starting your day, which is in fact what I plan to do, well with my weekend morning that is.

Though I do make and sell these bad boys, I actually test every single batch I make, even if it one I've been using the same recipe for the last 10 times I made it. Not because I'm all "Ohhhhhh, fruits of my labor" but because I'm rather "Let me see how these leave me feeling, exact smell and if it fizzes the way I feel it should" I don't want anyone receiving something from em which isn't satisfactory so, I test along with a couple of other people whom I've chosen as my testers.


But anyway I'm supposed to be telling you how amazing these bombs are right!? I mean their enriched with vitamin E along with coconut oil to leave you feeling silky smooth and moisturized. And the smell is there but definitely not overbearing. I like to make my bombs where they're perfect and nothing is too extravagant, other than the decorations or presentation! Well maybe making your skin feel amazing.


UPDATE: These bath fizzies have sold and though I do not have any in stock as I would rather make them when ordered I urge you to either check out my etsy shop and message me for an order or comment here.


Thanks guys!

So, I'm meat free...

Okay, so its taken me a while but since I have been a grown up and deciding what goes into my body along with my children, I have come to the realization that for us -- meat free is better.

Now, please I would love for the world to go without meat, but if you eat it and enjoy it then I have no bad feelings toward you, though I would like to mention to you that factory farming is RUINING the earth and would love for you to think about going organic and grass-fed, but again I can only mention and hope that you look into it and make the switch even if you don't want to give up meat.

Please don't stop reading because I know the whole farming, eating meat, harming the earth thing triggers a lot of people and also upsets them, but if there is one thing I am it is open-minded, I know how I think is, a lot of the time, completely different than others and I enjoy having conversations with people while also disagreeing in a civil way. Although, this is my blog and I control what I talk about and promote I do promote being vegan, or at least vegetarian!

Before there wasn't much choice in foods when you were meat free, well not anything that tasted very pleasing. But now, there have been so many breakthroughs with taste and texture that its almost impossible, with some things, to tell that their are meat free.

But, there are some amazing recipes to try and make yourself while going without meat, and there is a huge difference in your body once you get rid of all the toxins being pumped into the factory farmed meats.

This post really isn't about much today but rather my argument of trying to tell you the positives of going meat free because to me, there are no negatives. My next post I will go in depth with one of my favorite recipes that I found and altered to my own liking and various things you can change out with it yourself. Along with this recipe I will continue to try various meat free products and review them for you as well, for whenever you decide to take the plunge of vegetarian... Which will be one of the best decisions you make <3

Those Blossom Cup things...

So, I'm sure you can guess that with me being one of those natural cure and medicine kind of moms that you can get that I'd rather have something in which I can reuse and that doesn't care harm to me or my body during my... monthly time.

So, I have heard about the organic tampons and I thought that was an amazing thing to have for women. But  even though I love this thought, I want something that pays for itself over and over and the cup to me seemed the better way to go because I don't want to have to buy something every month because I don't want my "time" staining clothes or want to feel like I'm wearing a diaper either. So, I ordered one on amazon -- here is the link. They come in colors and different sizes as well, though I bought a clear and a small, even though it says "pre-childbirth" I didn't think that I needed a large as I am quite petite, but you should be the one making the final decision if you decide to buy one as well!

So, with that let me begin ---

The small holds 2 oz of liquid, you know I would just rather say that to just come out and say blood, its like periods are some kind of taboo and you're not supposed to talk about what happens during one! Crazy huh? So, it holds that amount of liquid and its actually quite small, smaller than I thought it would be which made me happy as I was worried about how big this "cup" going into my lady parts was going to be. So, with that phew of relief I was actually excited for once to start my period. Folding and inserting was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be and than I have read about with the instructions along with the cup and other womens views on the cups... Now, you are going to be very, ah, for lack of better term, in touch with your self, so being squeamish about your parts or touching them I would not suggest you get this cup. So inserting, you basically pinch the cup and pull the sides together to make a C shape, then you hold and insert and once its inside it has this suction cup action which happens almost instantly. Now, with taking it out and emptying it thats, well a whole different story. Now along with getting over the whole I am putting my fingers inside myself without wanting or giving myself pleasure, you now have to pull out this cup which has your blood inside. I have not had the cup spill on me, or be covered in blood on the outside, but I do empty and rinse before I reinsert so I did happen to get blood on me, though I did not mind. But I will say this and make sure this is the ONE thing you remember. ALWAYS KEEP A GOOD GRIP WHEN YOU ARE TAKING THE CUP OUT! Luckily, there was nothing but water in the tub, well along with the contents that spilled out which wasn't a lot but either way, I stuck on a glove got it out freaking boiled it and washed it more than I care to say before using it again. Now even though you're touching and getting not so clean things, or something you want to realize you're getting on you when you use this, I have to say I am happiest using this as my monthly routine.

One of the main things I believe I like the most about the blossom cup is that, you litterally can't feel that its there. And if you leave it in for over an 8 hours period you don't have to worry about some horrible syndrome that could potentially kill you!

I highly suggest this cup, well I can't say over any other cup since this has been the only one I've tried and I feel that how happy I am with it I do not need to try another. But I highly suggest using this cup over tampons, organic or not, and pads, because no one wants to feel like their both wearing a diaper or uncomfortable.

-Namaste <3

S.A.D.

*NOTE: This is my picture and all rights are mine, this was personally taken by me and I do not give anyone permission to share or use this for any purposes other than my own!*



So, its almost spring, I know. But this damn weather is really just getting to me. We were experiencing high 60's - 70's weather with gorgeous sunshine and a light breeze, and now we've moved back to the 50's with lows in the 20's and 30's.... Why mother nature? I mean that groundhog did say it would be early.

I know, I should appreciate what is given to me and I do on a deeper self level, but right now I just want to complain a bit.

I just got this awesome camera, I've got some gorgeous stones in and I made some beautiful bath bombs, all I want to do is take pretty pictures in the sunlight and show them with the world...

Is that too much?

And, if I'm being honest -- bath bombs DO NOT DO GOOD with humid, wet air! They don't! I didn't realize that when I was making them I was doing so on an evening before a night full of rain, so my bombs looked like a teenage puberty acne phase.... Though I did try them out and they fizzed the way I wanted them to, they just don't look as pretty as I would rather them be before I try selling them..


If you want first dibs at these babies -- I am selling the acne ridden bombs 4 for $15, and they are my unveiling mold so they're perfect for a one person energizing bath since they are "Energizing lemon". Follow me on Instagram, where I am showing these buggars off! The name to follow is Cosmik_Dreams which is my etsy shop name so if you're looking for me there as well just type that into search without the underscore. Actually, here you go!

Though, I do have a couple of things to be happy about -- I just added two more dreadlocks and will be adding two more along side them this evening -- after I can go shopping for packaging material to send out a couple of bombs to be tested <3 So with that positive thinking, I guess I should get dressed and ready to face the day even in this dreary weather...

No bueno.

My kid woke up sick...

So, I'm the mom that will use a home remedy faster than I'll take my kids to the doctor, though please, please understand that when the remedies do not work they're hinnies are at the doctors office ready for something that will help them. They have all their shots and have a yearly visit as well, but I feel that people turn to a made product more than a natural and I want my kids to build better immune systems and learn to fight off sickness on their own, well their immune system's own.

And I mean the common cold has no medicine a doctor can provide so the best thing in that case is to find a remedy and stick to it to help not only your kids but when its your turn to have "the sickness" it will help you as well!

Now, I will share a recipe for stuffy, clogged noses -- which is not small kid friendly, unless you kid likes heat..

And I will also share a bedtime remedy which has cleared up cough in a little as two nights.



First, this is a spicy baby called "Tomato Tea"

Where in you make one glass at a time or double for two in case you and your other half usually end up sick at the same time, I know my husband and I usually do.

1 Cup tomato juice (any kind, just don't choose clamato like Jordan did one time because its gross!)
1 teaspoon hot sauce (if you don't have hot sauce but have jalapenos, use a tsp of jalapeno juice)
1 teaspoon chopped garlic (or garlic salt if you don't have any cloves)
1/2 teaspoon both salt and pepper (omit the salt if you use garlic salt)

Heat them all together and stir, drink while its hot and your nose will be open and you'll feel a lot better!



Now, secondly -- nighttime remedy for cough,

This will be two things you will be able to do to help out cough

One - Have your child drink some warm tea with RAW honey before bed. Honey helps soothe sore throats and has infection fighting agents inside, so its an amazing thing to use to help those little throats.

Two - Take an onion, any kind should do but I always use red/purple, I usually pick a small one for my kids or a normal sized for myself. But you cut the onion in half and place one half on each foot right on the ball, take slightly smaller sized socks or socks that fit very snug and place those on top and sleep with them on all night.

No, I promise you wont smell like a gross onion in the morning nor will your bedroom or bed sheets.

Also, taking another onion and placing it beside your bed will help to clean the air around you and disinfect it as well.

Note: If you don't have any small kid sized onions I take a larger one and cut it in four slices, if its too big around, like the circumference then I usually cut it in half and place that on my kids feet and use what's left over to put beside their beds and in their bathroom and kitchen if I have enough left over since it helps to clean the air.


I know onion feet sounds weird but using this and the honey when my kids got the dreadful winter cough has had it cleared up within two nights and their enjoy it a lot better than taking cough medicine.


Please let me know how this worked for you, either one whenever you try it. <3

Valentine's Weekend...

Ah, I know I haven't been around for a few extra days... But I've had a lot going on with my grandmother and having weekly get together dinners at her house, so I've been on the run a bit.
Sorry guys.

But, I did get a spoiled Valentine weekend with the hubster. Now, I'm sure you've heard about the new Nikon P900 with 83x zoom? Yeah, well I have too but when I decided to check this camera out I found out I did not like the price. So I settled for one with 60x zoom, and it was delivered to me FINALLY! I've been like a little kid with a video game. I have not wanted to put this bad boy down! Ive retaken all of my etsy shop listings. I mean I've just been getting this bad boy out to take the most random pictures of things I could easily use my phone camera for. I am totally in love!

I know I meant to start this thing off being informative but I've just got to brag about getting something I have been absolutely wanting for almost two years! My last camera a Nikon One, which was left in our vehicle while we were working.... You know, when I actually worked outside of the home, was stolen. I know I know, we should have locked out doors and we should have paid more attention to it but, it was taken along with my kids first birthday pictures which just kind of broke my heart.

Needless to say this one will stay either, home or around my neck when we take it out!

But, seriously if you looking for an amazing camera for half the cost of the P900, then check out the P610, it has been amazing so far and I hope to keep you along with all of my crazy pictures, matter of fact I'll post a couple here. The moon -- This was my first and only attempt since it was below 30 degrees when I ran outside to snap one, and it was totally not on the right setting but still amazes me with the zoom. The second is one of my many fur balls and he's just too stinking cute.

My etsy shop... Along with my other social media.

Ah, so recently I had a moment...

I mean I have dreadlocks, well only around 15 right now, but I've made my whole etsy shop based around dreadlock jewelry and beads.. This doesn't make me happy I mean it does, I love playing with the clay and making things that people want. But I've grown unhappy with just doing clay beads for locks... So then I went on to jewelry and I do enjoy doing that. I make them with healing crystals so they are both made with love and will also continue giving if you treat them right! But now..

Now, I've found something else I am super excited about! BATH BOMBS! But not just any bath bomb, I'm going to make various smells, colors, and molds... All while adding in mystery healing crystals to the inside, or even small toys for children!

I am so excited to bring this about, I've started getting everything ready and have made an initial announcement via my facebook page. They have an undisclosed release date, but I'm way too excited about them to keep them a secret for too much longer!

Check out my sites!
Please like and share all, as when both Instagram and the Facebook pages get to 1,000 likes I will be giving away a pack of FOUR mystery crystal bath bombs!

Etsy
Facebook
Instagram

Self-Love

You know, I used to have an amazingly unbreakable self-love. I mean I literally loved myself and loved everything about me, my hair, my skin, my short (I'm 4'11") legs, my hands, my stomach.... I mean I wasn't perfect especially after kids, but I loved my tiger stripes... I was confident in my looks and had a shy at first but then had a confident attitude towards the world.

And, again if you have been keeping up then you will know that I stay home, not only for my kids the one not old enough to be in school but also to be here in the afternoon with the two who are in school. I feel like this is something great for them and myself especially with homework time and one-on-one help with it.

But it helps with gas money and with upkeep of the house, well, when I have my good not depressed days. Looking in at the way I act and how I am when I am out of the house, you would never think I feel the way I do about myself. But lately I've noticed I no longer love who I am. I no longer feel the love that I had for myself whenever I was a few years younger.

Before I was a stay at home mom I worked 40+ hours a week, always up and moving around. I never needed a workout routine and never had to worry about gaining excess weight. I work a size 5 jeans and size small shirt and I was completely happy with myself I have been smaller in my day but where I was was perfect for me and perfect for loving myself. But two years ago, I quit my job to help take care of my mother and stay at home with her so she did not need to live in a nursing home. Along with her ending up getting so sick so fast I no longer had a babysitter for my kids. I never trusted and still do not trust anyone else to keep them or care for them like her and I have done. So, along with my reasons for staying home I simply do not feel anyone would care for my kids the way I want them cared for and do not trust them to even try.

So, whilst I prepared myself for the inevitable while also keeping my mother and kids happy with our arangment, when she did pass I went into a depression like no other. I stopped getting out of bed, I stopped going outside. I started NEEDING something to dull the pain, this happened to be alcohol, no I dont want to say that I was an alcoholic because it only last 3-4 months, but how long do you need something before it is considered an addiction? If it be when you feel you need something then I guess you can call it an addiction, because I could not go without it...

Along with this drinking and not getting out of bed, I ended up gaining a bit of extra weight. Though, my husband still told me I was beautiful I felt... Completely different inside and out. I no longer liked who I was, or how I looked. I hated everything about my body, and even now two years later I am still fighting with loving myself. Which is what this post is about, I am learning again to love myself and hopefully can help someone else to again love themselves, or to finally start.

So I've tried pills, drinks, wraps, anything that would help lose weight and get my body back --- none of which worked, because I used but never felt up to "working" my way back to where I was. But, I've been meditating and being with myself more lately and learning my trigges, and ways that I hav changed but can learn to love the new parts and way of my new self. self-love. 

I have also slowly worked my way back into a more active lifestyle, though I am still home. I've stocked up on proteins and supplements that help to build and recover from workouts since its been so long since I have had my body be as active as I am now striving for and, I'm five days in, yes I know its early but I already feel a huge shift in my mental state regarding my self love... Which hasn't only come from working out, though I do know it releases dopamine, but from being with myself and moving forward instead of sitting still. Yesterday I had such a confident moment while being naked and I realized how much I truly miss thinking of myself in this way, which of course started this whole post. But I'm working my way through it and would love to keep you along with me during this journey. <3

So the Groundhog said Spring would be early...

I know, I'm a few days late on the whole "Groundhog Day" post, but hey better late than never are my words of wisdom, write that down!

I'm not sure about your weather for the past couple of weeks but for me in good ole NC, it has been very Springy, and I have LOVED it! I know it's February and it should still be cold, but those gorgeous sunny mildly warm days have been just beautiful! It also got me onto an early spring cleaning and of course, a carpet powder which smells of lively spring.

Yes yes, I'm going to give you the recipe and of course there is some DE in this which is great if you have animals and couldn't hurt even if you don't.

If you don't know what DE is it is diatomaceous earth and it's the fossilized remains of tiny, aquatic organisms called diatoms, which are found in most water sources i.e. rivers, lakes, streams, and oceans. What those fossilized remains do is they are so tiny and sharp that when brushed into animals hair it is too tiny to harm you or I or the animals but it actually cuts through fleas exoskeleton killing them in an unbelievably natural way. I mean not only can you place it in their fur to help deter fleas but you can eat it without it harming you as well. (Though I haven't tried, I may, I'm not sure) But during the spring, summer, and fall months I live by this stuff to help with not only fleas on my animals, but bugs in the garden. It works beautifully on potato plants and dealing with those eek gross potato bugs! I mean the uses, to me, seem endless!

Okay, I'm swinging back around to this intoxicating smell good carpet powder and the recipe to make it!

Now, I use essential oils FOR EVERYTHING! You're going to need three different oils for this recipe, and they're helpful even if you don't use them for this powder!

I use those creamer bottles that are tall with the little raindrop shaped hole in the lid to store my powder, because they hold a lot and their skinny enough not to take up too much room. Just make sure that you take the label off and write what you have in them!! Wouldn't want this powder in your coffee!

- One small box of baking soda
-Three tablespoons DE
-10 drops lemon essential oil
-8 drops orange essential oil
-5 drops lavender essential oil

use a long spoon or chopstick (like me) to mix it all together, I've realized doing this instead of closing the top and shaking mixes it better. Sprinkle it all over the carpet however liberal you want, I usually can still see my carpet and have a light dusting of this powder on the floor. Let this sit at least 15 minutes or as long as you want. Then vacuum it up and Ahhh, spring.. Ahhh, smells amazing! Though I like these smells in this amount you may not and all I recommend there is getting used to the way your oils smell and just experiment with amounts that you actually use.

-Namaste

To Meditate or Not, that is the question.

So let me start off with HOLY SHIT, the last week was from HELL, well kind of. I mean for starters the week started with my son, who lost my mother in 2014 and lost his father's mother in 2015, finding out that my grandmother his great grandmother is now battling cancer and has an undisclosed amount of months left with us. So this got him a little riled along with myself because like any other 10-year-old who loses the two of the biggest figures in his life he is definitely not over either one of them. So hearing this news he kind of shelled back up but agreed that he would consider talking with a psychiatrist or a mentor who would help him to open up and get his mind off of such sad times while he's still so young. So, win for that, I know when I was asked to speak with one while I was 13 or 14 I refused and never really opened up to this woman either, which makes me happy that he has allowed even the thought of it to be talked about and agreed upon, now to find one he actually connects with. :) BUT, with all good things come bad.

Bryce has, of course, lost his grandmothers and with this comes repression, depression, heartbreak all the sad things imaginable, these women SPOILED him, he went on two beach trips a year, mountain trips, just car rides just to go I mean he always wanted to be with both of them, so I COMPLETELY get how upset he is, but I'm mom --- HE CAN NOT open up to me, though he has some which have been awesome but we're finding him someone else. So, since all of this has gone on Bryce has fluctuated with his grades, he missed school for four days when he grandmother passed so he also missed out on all the classroom work as well. But as he has been telling me he has been doing all of his work and doing his homework when he has it, he has NEVER lied about school or school work. Until this week, he spends weekends and some weekdays with his father and there has never been a problem of homework not being done and Monday morning he comes to me letting me know he had homework and did not do it over the weekend. This threw me, he has never done this what is up with him, so I tell him he is grounded from any kind of video game which are his go-to, and let him know I will be talking with his dad about this because lying about school is nothing I want to condone. Along with his lying about homework I receive his report card the next day with a teacher letting me know he has schoolwork that he is not doing, or turning in late --- which he has not stated he had done. This teacher is also asking for a conference because he is not "trying" is reading/writing something he has always loved, and I don't get why is his lowest grade and why is isn't doing what he needs to be. I will be having the conference next week, so we'll see how that goes.




Next shit storm of the week, though this isn't a big deal not for anyone without kids I guess, but Lilly is in first grade which celebrates the 100th day of school by dressing as old people. It's super cute seeing these little kids look so old and rocking it. But, me being the mom of the year, I completely forgot until we were pulling into the school and we see a little girl that was all dressed up and looking old... Needless to say, Lilly immediately scoffed and he eyes watered over with those tears from being so mad and also sad, the ones that sting, you know? As soon as the car rider lady opened the door she bolted out without even a goodbye. Lilly has NEVER just left without saying, at least, I love you, or bye. Now, I know I should have remembered I should have kept up with her, well to her, HUGE days at school. But I did not and she was so angry -- But Lilly is the kind of kid that wears her heart on he sleeve and I'm the mom who doesn't show emotion other than love to my kids. I had a good cry about it to Jordan while she was at school and realized I needed apologise to her for not remembering, because what is small to you and I as adults happen to be huge to children who are still in school and still going to be around "that kid" who remembers the most embarassing thing about you in 10th grade. I don't know if you have seen the movie "Inside Out" with the emotions in our heads, its by Pixar and you definitely need to check it out if not, I can honestly say its not just a kids movie. A part in the movie happens which makes a lot of her stronger memories turn sad -- because she tries to remain happy whenever she isn't, which is what I had been doing, and her as well, I tried NOT ruining the movie for you there but also trying to help explain how we got to where we did.. Lilly gets emotional easily and she was upset about going grocery shopping and didn't want to go inside the store so we send the boys and we stay behind, which was perfect for me to talk to her about letting emotions out. I explained sometimes you have to be sad to finally be happy just as the child in the movie had to, which made her think a bit. She couldn't figure out why she was so sad and I told her sometimes its hard to figure it out, that I had cried today as well about a lot. When she asked I let her know that I understood why she had been mad and that I should have remembered and I spent all day being mad at myself and how sorry I was to forget. This litterally mad her bawl and come to my side while we both cried together. In this moment I realized, something I have always been taught, to hold your emotions in front of your child was not as good as it is thought to be. This was the biggest Ah-Ha moments I have had in a long time. Not only did it help her to stop crying and myself but I could feel a huge shift in our relationship, just by opening up and actually letting hr know my emotions are just as raw and changing as hers.


Rileigh has remained the happiest kid, which when your three its hard to have a bad day compared to the bigger siblings, though he hardest decision in one day is whether we're going to watch "Dinosaur Train", "Dino Dan", or "Wild Kratts" this kid is going to be a paleontologist when she gets older!

Theres also a bit more, but seeing as this post is already quite long I think I will end with -- my house is the kind of quiet that is so loud in your ears that you just want to throw some headphones in to drown out the silence, I'm alone the kids are out, Jordan has a work related meeting out of town and I have Phoebe which is my newly rescued cat thats already winning over our hearts. The perfect thing I could do with this silence is meditate but with all the crazy thoughts and dreams I have been having this week, I'm scared to see what will come from meditating, the last time I had a good long meditation I came out questioning a lot of things and I'm scared when I do it this time I'll have the answers I'm so desperately trying to escape. But also thinking, why prolong the enevitable?

You guys!!! (In that high pitched girly voice)

 So, I haven't been around for jeez 4 months?! In this amount of time I have worked away from home and when I mean away I mean I basically lived in a hotel rather than my own home for almost two months, though I felt like I had this biggest and best vacation my first night away it got old real quick with me being home for two whole years! I also brushed out ALL, like all of my dreads -- even my most prized "Bertha" which was the largest in my head. It broke my heart, really. But that nice job I was talking about a minute ago was a job dealing with and being around the public, and my dreads were more of a neglected, super messy kind of look, like the whole, "I stay at home so I can look like this and just shove it in a beanie or a messy bun when I go out in public so its okay". This do wasn't doing it for me being in the setting I was in so they had to go and they did.

Yes, yes. I know why brush a year worth of love and growing down the drain? Well, because of the "look" and another reason is that well the work I was doing wasn't work that I can say I enjoyed. It was tedious and albeit aggravating but at the time, it was good money and money that my family and I needed so I did it. But the more I put myself in this position of doing work that I did not enjoy or love or even connect with pushed me away from my zen way of life.

I was, before taking this job, meditating daily - learning how to think positively and manifest small things in my life. I was so patient with myself and my kids (unbelievable right?! Though I am usually easy going with them anyway) I was reading books such as "Bhagavad Gita" and "Siddhartha" and they aroused something deep inside, I felt I was learning to look inside myself and understand the person that I was, that I somehow lost between childhood and now. But then I took this job -- I enjoyed the women from this job and joking with them so, in a way it was good, it got me out of the house and into the world I had gotten so scared of from being home for so long. But, this job it just made me so unhappy and so depressed, I feel it was partly because I was away from my family for 5 days a week, but still it pushed me from my pivitol place where I knew I was going to be the happiest and for that I really hated it.

 I just didn't realize at the time what was making me hate this job so much, until... drum roll please, I meditated on it. I realized how much I had put into my hair -- it's an amazing and eye-opening journey into dreadlocks it can make you learn and understand patience so much more, how much I had started to learn about the world and myself - my higher self, how I had started to see with my third eye. I had even started collecting and meditating with healing crystals which I have started to do so with again. But this realization just threw me, how it was so blatant but yet so hard to understand wihtout truly thinking about it.


Yes, this has come from another side of me but its a side that I hope to continue speaking through as I have always tried to hide and blend with society, but I've made a vow to never make myself so unhappy as I did just for something so short.

There will be more soon! <3