So let me start off with HOLY SHIT, the last week was from HELL, well kind of. I mean for starters the week started with my son, who lost my mother in 2014 and lost his father's mother in 2015, finding out that my grandmother his great grandmother is now battling cancer and has an undisclosed amount of months left with us. So this got him a little riled along with myself because like any other 10-year-old who loses the two of the biggest figures in his life he is definitely not over either one of them. So hearing this news he kind of shelled back up but agreed that he would consider talking with a psychiatrist or a mentor who would help him to open up and get his mind off of such sad times while he's still so young. So, win for that, I know when I was asked to speak with one while I was 13 or 14 I refused and never really opened up to this woman either, which makes me happy that he has allowed even the thought of it to be talked about and agreed upon, now to find one he actually connects with. :) BUT, with all good things come bad.
Bryce has, of course, lost his grandmothers and with this comes repression, depression, heartbreak all the sad things imaginable, these women SPOILED him, he went on two beach trips a year, mountain trips, just car rides just to go I mean he always wanted to be with both of them, so I COMPLETELY get how upset he is, but I'm mom --- HE CAN NOT open up to me, though he has some which have been awesome but we're finding him someone else. So, since all of this has gone on Bryce has fluctuated with his grades, he missed school for four days when he grandmother passed so he also missed out on all the classroom work as well. But as he has been telling me he has been doing all of his work and doing his homework when he has it, he has NEVER lied about school or school work. Until this week, he spends weekends and some weekdays with his father and there has never been a problem of homework not being done and Monday morning he comes to me letting me know he had homework and did not do it over the weekend. This threw me, he has never done this what is up with him, so I tell him he is grounded from any kind of video game which are his go-to, and let him know I will be talking with his dad about this because lying about school is nothing I want to condone. Along with his lying about homework I receive his report card the next day with a teacher letting me know he has schoolwork that he is not doing, or turning in late --- which he has not stated he had done. This teacher is also asking for a conference because he is not "trying" is reading/writing something he has always loved, and I don't get why is his lowest grade and why is isn't doing what he needs to be. I will be having the conference next week, so we'll see how that goes.
Next shit storm of the week, though this isn't a big deal not for anyone without kids I guess, but Lilly is in first grade which celebrates the 100th day of school by dressing as old people. It's super cute seeing these little kids look so old and rocking it. But, me being the mom of the year, I completely forgot until we were pulling into the school and we see a little girl that was all dressed up and looking old... Needless to say, Lilly immediately scoffed and he eyes watered over with those tears from being so mad and also sad, the ones that sting, you know? As soon as the car rider lady opened the door she bolted out without even a goodbye. Lilly has NEVER just left without saying, at least, I love you, or bye. Now, I know I should have remembered I should have kept up with her, well to her, HUGE days at school. But I did not and she was so angry -- But Lilly is the kind of kid that wears her heart on he sleeve and I'm the mom who doesn't show emotion other than love to my kids. I had a good cry about it to Jordan while she was at school and realized I needed apologise to her for not remembering, because what is small to you and I as adults happen to be huge to children who are still in school and still going to be around "that kid" who remembers the most embarassing thing about you in 10th grade. I don't know if you have seen the movie "Inside Out" with the emotions in our heads, its by Pixar and you definitely need to check it out if not, I can honestly say its not just a kids movie. A part in the movie happens which makes a lot of her stronger memories turn sad -- because she tries to remain happy whenever she isn't, which is what I had been doing, and her as well, I tried NOT ruining the movie for you there but also trying to help explain how we got to where we did.. Lilly gets emotional easily and she was upset about going grocery shopping and didn't want to go inside the store so we send the boys and we stay behind, which was perfect for me to talk to her about letting emotions out. I explained sometimes you have to be sad to finally be happy just as the child in the movie had to, which made her think a bit. She couldn't figure out why she was so sad and I told her sometimes its hard to figure it out, that I had cried today as well about a lot. When she asked I let her know that I understood why she had been mad and that I should have remembered and I spent all day being mad at myself and how sorry I was to forget. This litterally mad her bawl and come to my side while we both cried together. In this moment I realized, something I have always been taught, to hold your emotions in front of your child was not as good as it is thought to be. This was the biggest Ah-Ha moments I have had in a long time. Not only did it help her to stop crying and myself but I could feel a huge shift in our relationship, just by opening up and actually letting hr know my emotions are just as raw and changing as hers.
Rileigh has remained the happiest kid, which when your three its hard to have a bad day compared to the bigger siblings, though he hardest decision in one day is whether we're going to watch "Dinosaur Train", "Dino Dan", or "Wild Kratts" this kid is going to be a paleontologist when she gets older!
Theres also a bit more, but seeing as this post is already quite long I think I will end with -- my house is the kind of quiet that is so loud in your ears that you just want to throw some headphones in to drown out the silence, I'm alone the kids are out, Jordan has a work related meeting out of town and I have Phoebe which is my newly rescued cat thats already winning over our hearts. The perfect thing I could do with this silence is meditate but with all the crazy thoughts and dreams I have been having this week, I'm scared to see what will come from meditating, the last time I had a good long meditation I came out questioning a lot of things and I'm scared when I do it this time I'll have the answers I'm so desperately trying to escape. But also thinking, why prolong the enevitable?
No comments:
Post a Comment