I started this blog off with intentions of posting, DIY's along with recipes and how being vegan/vegetarian can be super yummy, filling and down right amazing for yourself and those poor factory farmed animals!
But this post will be, sort of personal. If everything comes out the way I am hoping it will be the most personal yet!
But I would rather take it slow than jump into it and this post might even take more than a few minutes, hours or days to write out... I'm just hoping to get my point across and to be understood at the same time, I don't think that I can be the only one feelings these kinds of thoughts of realizing these kinds of things about themselves or their life, so maybe this will be good for someone other than myself.
Okay so let me start, I've read lately about how we see the world and other people in it are also ways in which we see ourselves, such as --- I find a problem with my husband about how he handles situations, but also when I think about it and meditate on it I find that I handle problems the same way and in reality I am not mad at how he handles them but mad at myself for handling them in the same way (THIS IS NOT SAYING THAT MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE THIS PROBLEM JUST USING A MADE UP EXAMPLE)
Now, if I am seeing what I dislike about myself in other people then I feel like I should work on that right? Well, yes and no, because even though I have noticed and seen my problems reflected in my outside world I still continue to consciously and internally press these issues and my huge dislike for them, which is both good and bad. I mean to get over these problems and change your life you have to confront the problems inside and figure out what exactly is causing them, which is where my problems come in...
Though I do remember parts of my childhood I do not remember enough to figure out some of the reasoning behind my angering reflections of my inner self, which means that I would have to do some long sitting and digging -- alone now, since I do not have my mother to ask and interrogate about myself as a child, and because I do not entrust my raw emotional state with anyone other than her and my husband, who was not around for my childhood.
But lately during my late night, zen music induced meditation baths I have slowly came to some realizations about my outer world being my inner world, and some have been epiphany-like while others were like I had known all along and have just been avoiding them, which could be said for all of them as I have been aware of various things but have just not wanted to think or talk about them, which is what makes me, me.
But what I've began to notice is how I project myself into people around me, I can literally see myself in everyone I come in to contact with lately, be it my husband or my children even my sister at a couple of points. What I am seeing and already knowing about are things that I am greeting with an, oh you finally caught up with me and I'm thinking about you now, kind of way but the others which I kind of have a light bulb moment are ones that are just absolutely throwing me and I am in awe of how much I did NOT see it coming or even begin to notice it.
But right now, I am going to have to end this post.
Yes, I know I'm cutting off right before getting into it, and well, I hope that if you're enjoying what I'm saying then you will come back in a day or two for me to finish this up and get my words correct with whats going on inside my head.
And, I really hope that you into what I'm talking about <3
Oh by the way, here are the couple of books that are making me slowly pan into these revelations. and go check them both out, so far they have been beyond amazing for both a read and learning about myself in ways I did not think possible.
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