So, I'm sure you can guess that with me being one of those natural cure and medicine kind of moms that you can get that I'd rather have something in which I can reuse and that doesn't care harm to me or my body during my... monthly time.
So, I have heard about the organic tampons and I thought that was an amazing thing to have for women. But even though I love this thought, I want something that pays for itself over and over and the cup to me seemed the better way to go because I don't want to have to buy something every month because I don't want my "time" staining clothes or want to feel like I'm wearing a diaper either. So, I ordered one on amazon -- here is the link. They come in colors and different sizes as well, though I bought a clear and a small, even though it says "pre-childbirth" I didn't think that I needed a large as I am quite petite, but you should be the one making the final decision if you decide to buy one as well!
So, with that let me begin ---
The small holds 2 oz of liquid, you know I would just rather say that to just come out and say blood, its like periods are some kind of taboo and you're not supposed to talk about what happens during one! Crazy huh? So, it holds that amount of liquid and its actually quite small, smaller than I thought it would be which made me happy as I was worried about how big this "cup" going into my lady parts was going to be. So, with that phew of relief I was actually excited for once to start my period. Folding and inserting was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be and than I have read about with the instructions along with the cup and other womens views on the cups... Now, you are going to be very, ah, for lack of better term, in touch with your self, so being squeamish about your parts or touching them I would not suggest you get this cup. So inserting, you basically pinch the cup and pull the sides together to make a C shape, then you hold and insert and once its inside it has this suction cup action which happens almost instantly. Now, with taking it out and emptying it thats, well a whole different story. Now along with getting over the whole I am putting my fingers inside myself without wanting or giving myself pleasure, you now have to pull out this cup which has your blood inside. I have not had the cup spill on me, or be covered in blood on the outside, but I do empty and rinse before I reinsert so I did happen to get blood on me, though I did not mind. But I will say this and make sure this is the ONE thing you remember. ALWAYS KEEP A GOOD GRIP WHEN YOU ARE TAKING THE CUP OUT! Luckily, there was nothing but water in the tub, well along with the contents that spilled out which wasn't a lot but either way, I stuck on a glove got it out freaking boiled it and washed it more than I care to say before using it again. Now even though you're touching and getting not so clean things, or something you want to realize you're getting on you when you use this, I have to say I am happiest using this as my monthly routine.
One of the main things I believe I like the most about the blossom cup is that, you litterally can't feel that its there. And if you leave it in for over an 8 hours period you don't have to worry about some horrible syndrome that could potentially kill you!
I highly suggest this cup, well I can't say over any other cup since this has been the only one I've tried and I feel that how happy I am with it I do not need to try another. But I highly suggest using this cup over tampons, organic or not, and pads, because no one wants to feel like their both wearing a diaper or uncomfortable.
-Namaste <3
Monday, February 29, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
S.A.D.
So, its almost spring, I know. But this damn weather is really just getting to me. We were experiencing high 60's - 70's weather with gorgeous sunshine and a light breeze, and now we've moved back to the 50's with lows in the 20's and 30's.... Why mother nature? I mean that groundhog did say it would be early.
I know, I should appreciate what is given to me and I do on a deeper self level, but right now I just want to complain a bit.
I just got this awesome camera, I've got some gorgeous stones in and I made some beautiful bath bombs, all I want to do is take pretty pictures in the sunlight and show them with the world...
Is that too much?
And, if I'm being honest -- bath bombs DO NOT DO GOOD with humid, wet air! They don't! I didn't realize that when I was making them I was doing so on an evening before a night full of rain, so my bombs looked like a teenage puberty acne phase.... Though I did try them out and they fizzed the way I wanted them to, they just don't look as pretty as I would rather them be before I try selling them..
If you want first dibs at these babies -- I am selling the acne ridden bombs 4 for $15, and they are my unveiling mold so they're perfect for a one person energizing bath since they are "Energizing lemon". Follow me on Instagram, where I am showing these buggars off! The name to follow is Cosmik_Dreams which is my etsy shop name so if you're looking for me there as well just type that into search without the underscore. Actually, here you go!
Though, I do have a couple of things to be happy about -- I just added two more dreadlocks and will be adding two more along side them this evening -- after I can go shopping for packaging material to send out a couple of bombs to be tested <3 So with that positive thinking, I guess I should get dressed and ready to face the day even in this dreary weather...
No bueno.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
My kid woke up sick...
So, I'm the mom that will use a home remedy faster than I'll take my kids to the doctor, though please, please understand that when the remedies do not work they're hinnies are at the doctors office ready for something that will help them. They have all their shots and have a yearly visit as well, but I feel that people turn to a made product more than a natural and I want my kids to build better immune systems and learn to fight off sickness on their own, well their immune system's own.
And I mean the common cold has no medicine a doctor can provide so the best thing in that case is to find a remedy and stick to it to help not only your kids but when its your turn to have "the sickness" it will help you as well!
Now, I will share a recipe for stuffy, clogged noses -- which is not small kid friendly, unless you kid likes heat..
And I will also share a bedtime remedy which has cleared up cough in a little as two nights.
First, this is a spicy baby called "Tomato Tea"
Where in you make one glass at a time or double for two in case you and your other half usually end up sick at the same time, I know my husband and I usually do.
1 Cup tomato juice (any kind, just don't choose clamato like Jordan did one time because its gross!)
1 teaspoon hot sauce (if you don't have hot sauce but have jalapenos, use a tsp of jalapeno juice)
1 teaspoon chopped garlic (or garlic salt if you don't have any cloves)
1/2 teaspoon both salt and pepper (omit the salt if you use garlic salt)
Heat them all together and stir, drink while its hot and your nose will be open and you'll feel a lot better!
Now, secondly -- nighttime remedy for cough,
This will be two things you will be able to do to help out cough
One - Have your child drink some warm tea with RAW honey before bed. Honey helps soothe sore throats and has infection fighting agents inside, so its an amazing thing to use to help those little throats.
Two - Take an onion, any kind should do but I always use red/purple, I usually pick a small one for my kids or a normal sized for myself. But you cut the onion in half and place one half on each foot right on the ball, take slightly smaller sized socks or socks that fit very snug and place those on top and sleep with them on all night.
No, I promise you wont smell like a gross onion in the morning nor will your bedroom or bed sheets.
Also, taking another onion and placing it beside your bed will help to clean the air around you and disinfect it as well.
Note: If you don't have any small kid sized onions I take a larger one and cut it in four slices, if its too big around, like the circumference then I usually cut it in half and place that on my kids feet and use what's left over to put beside their beds and in their bathroom and kitchen if I have enough left over since it helps to clean the air.
I know onion feet sounds weird but using this and the honey when my kids got the dreadful winter cough has had it cleared up within two nights and their enjoy it a lot better than taking cough medicine.
Please let me know how this worked for you, either one whenever you try it. <3
And I mean the common cold has no medicine a doctor can provide so the best thing in that case is to find a remedy and stick to it to help not only your kids but when its your turn to have "the sickness" it will help you as well!
Now, I will share a recipe for stuffy, clogged noses -- which is not small kid friendly, unless you kid likes heat..
And I will also share a bedtime remedy which has cleared up cough in a little as two nights.
First, this is a spicy baby called "Tomato Tea"
Where in you make one glass at a time or double for two in case you and your other half usually end up sick at the same time, I know my husband and I usually do.
1 Cup tomato juice (any kind, just don't choose clamato like Jordan did one time because its gross!)
1 teaspoon hot sauce (if you don't have hot sauce but have jalapenos, use a tsp of jalapeno juice)
1 teaspoon chopped garlic (or garlic salt if you don't have any cloves)
1/2 teaspoon both salt and pepper (omit the salt if you use garlic salt)
Heat them all together and stir, drink while its hot and your nose will be open and you'll feel a lot better!
Now, secondly -- nighttime remedy for cough,
This will be two things you will be able to do to help out cough
One - Have your child drink some warm tea with RAW honey before bed. Honey helps soothe sore throats and has infection fighting agents inside, so its an amazing thing to use to help those little throats.
Two - Take an onion, any kind should do but I always use red/purple, I usually pick a small one for my kids or a normal sized for myself. But you cut the onion in half and place one half on each foot right on the ball, take slightly smaller sized socks or socks that fit very snug and place those on top and sleep with them on all night.
No, I promise you wont smell like a gross onion in the morning nor will your bedroom or bed sheets.
Also, taking another onion and placing it beside your bed will help to clean the air around you and disinfect it as well.
Note: If you don't have any small kid sized onions I take a larger one and cut it in four slices, if its too big around, like the circumference then I usually cut it in half and place that on my kids feet and use what's left over to put beside their beds and in their bathroom and kitchen if I have enough left over since it helps to clean the air.
I know onion feet sounds weird but using this and the honey when my kids got the dreadful winter cough has had it cleared up within two nights and their enjoy it a lot better than taking cough medicine.
Please let me know how this worked for you, either one whenever you try it. <3
Valentine's Weekend...
Ah, I know I haven't been around for a few extra days... But I've had a lot going on with my grandmother and having weekly get together dinners at her house, so I've been on the run a bit.
Sorry guys.
But, I did get a spoiled Valentine weekend with the hubster. Now, I'm sure you've heard about the new Nikon P900 with 83x zoom? Yeah, well I have too but when I decided to check this camera out I found out I did not like the price. So I settled for one with 60x zoom, and it was delivered to me FINALLY! I've been like a little kid with a video game. I have not wanted to put this bad boy down! Ive retaken all of my etsy shop listings. I mean I've just been getting this bad boy out to take the most random pictures of things I could easily use my phone camera for. I am totally in love!
I know I meant to start this thing off being informative but I've just got to brag about getting something I have been absolutely wanting for almost two years! My last camera a Nikon One, which was left in our vehicle while we were working.... You know, when I actually worked outside of the home, was stolen. I know I know, we should have locked out doors and we should have paid more attention to it but, it was taken along with my kids first birthday pictures which just kind of broke my heart.
Needless to say this one will stay either, home or around my neck when we take it out!
But, seriously if you looking for an amazing camera for half the cost of the P900, then check out the P610, it has been amazing so far and I hope to keep you along with all of my crazy pictures, matter of fact I'll post a couple here. The moon -- This was my first and only attempt since it was below 30 degrees when I ran outside to snap one, and it was totally not on the right setting but still amazes me with the zoom. The second is one of my many fur balls and he's just too stinking cute.
Sorry guys.
But, I did get a spoiled Valentine weekend with the hubster. Now, I'm sure you've heard about the new Nikon P900 with 83x zoom? Yeah, well I have too but when I decided to check this camera out I found out I did not like the price. So I settled for one with 60x zoom, and it was delivered to me FINALLY! I've been like a little kid with a video game. I have not wanted to put this bad boy down! Ive retaken all of my etsy shop listings. I mean I've just been getting this bad boy out to take the most random pictures of things I could easily use my phone camera for. I am totally in love!
I know I meant to start this thing off being informative but I've just got to brag about getting something I have been absolutely wanting for almost two years! My last camera a Nikon One, which was left in our vehicle while we were working.... You know, when I actually worked outside of the home, was stolen. I know I know, we should have locked out doors and we should have paid more attention to it but, it was taken along with my kids first birthday pictures which just kind of broke my heart.
Needless to say this one will stay either, home or around my neck when we take it out!
But, seriously if you looking for an amazing camera for half the cost of the P900, then check out the P610, it has been amazing so far and I hope to keep you along with all of my crazy pictures, matter of fact I'll post a couple here. The moon -- This was my first and only attempt since it was below 30 degrees when I ran outside to snap one, and it was totally not on the right setting but still amazes me with the zoom. The second is one of my many fur balls and he's just too stinking cute.
Friday, February 12, 2016
My etsy shop... Along with my other social media.
Ah, so recently I had a moment...
I mean I have dreadlocks, well only around 15 right now, but I've made my whole etsy shop based around dreadlock jewelry and beads.. This doesn't make me happy I mean it does, I love playing with the clay and making things that people want. But I've grown unhappy with just doing clay beads for locks... So then I went on to jewelry and I do enjoy doing that. I make them with healing crystals so they are both made with love and will also continue giving if you treat them right! But now..
Now, I've found something else I am super excited about! BATH BOMBS! But not just any bath bomb, I'm going to make various smells, colors, and molds... All while adding in mystery healing crystals to the inside, or even small toys for children!
I am so excited to bring this about, I've started getting everything ready and have made an initial announcement via my facebook page. They have an undisclosed release date, but I'm way too excited about them to keep them a secret for too much longer!
Check out my sites!
Please like and share all, as when both Instagram and the Facebook pages get to 1,000 likes I will be giving away a pack of FOUR mystery crystal bath bombs!
Etsy
Facebook
Instagram
I mean I have dreadlocks, well only around 15 right now, but I've made my whole etsy shop based around dreadlock jewelry and beads.. This doesn't make me happy I mean it does, I love playing with the clay and making things that people want. But I've grown unhappy with just doing clay beads for locks... So then I went on to jewelry and I do enjoy doing that. I make them with healing crystals so they are both made with love and will also continue giving if you treat them right! But now..
Now, I've found something else I am super excited about! BATH BOMBS! But not just any bath bomb, I'm going to make various smells, colors, and molds... All while adding in mystery healing crystals to the inside, or even small toys for children!
I am so excited to bring this about, I've started getting everything ready and have made an initial announcement via my facebook page. They have an undisclosed release date, but I'm way too excited about them to keep them a secret for too much longer!
Check out my sites!
Please like and share all, as when both Instagram and the Facebook pages get to 1,000 likes I will be giving away a pack of FOUR mystery crystal bath bombs!
Etsy
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Self-Love
You know, I used to have an amazingly unbreakable self-love. I mean I literally loved myself and loved everything about me, my hair, my skin, my short (I'm 4'11") legs, my hands, my stomach.... I mean I wasn't perfect especially after kids, but I loved my tiger stripes... I was confident in my looks and had a shy at first but then had a confident attitude towards the world.
And, again if you have been keeping up then you will know that I stay home, not only for my kids the one not old enough to be in school but also to be here in the afternoon with the two who are in school. I feel like this is something great for them and myself especially with homework time and one-on-one help with it.
But it helps with gas money and with upkeep of the house, well, when I have my good not depressed days. Looking in at the way I act and how I am when I am out of the house, you would never think I feel the way I do about myself. But lately I've noticed I no longer love who I am. I no longer feel the love that I had for myself whenever I was a few years younger.
Before I was a stay at home mom I worked 40+ hours a week, always up and moving around. I never needed a workout routine and never had to worry about gaining excess weight. I work a size 5 jeans and size small shirt and I was completely happy with myself I have been smaller in my day but where I was was perfect for me and perfect for loving myself. But two years ago, I quit my job to help take care of my mother and stay at home with her so she did not need to live in a nursing home. Along with her ending up getting so sick so fast I no longer had a babysitter for my kids. I never trusted and still do not trust anyone else to keep them or care for them like her and I have done. So, along with my reasons for staying home I simply do not feel anyone would care for my kids the way I want them cared for and do not trust them to even try.
So, whilst I prepared myself for the inevitable while also keeping my mother and kids happy with our arangment, when she did pass I went into a depression like no other. I stopped getting out of bed, I stopped going outside. I started NEEDING something to dull the pain, this happened to be alcohol, no I dont want to say that I was an alcoholic because it only last 3-4 months, but how long do you need something before it is considered an addiction? If it be when you feel you need something then I guess you can call it an addiction, because I could not go without it...
Along with this drinking and not getting out of bed, I ended up gaining a bit of extra weight. Though, my husband still told me I was beautiful I felt... Completely different inside and out. I no longer liked who I was, or how I looked. I hated everything about my body, and even now two years later I am still fighting with loving myself. Which is what this post is about, I am learning again to love myself and hopefully can help someone else to again love themselves, or to finally start.
So I've tried pills, drinks, wraps, anything that would help lose weight and get my body back --- none of which worked, because I used but never felt up to "working" my way back to where I was. But, I've been meditating and being with myself more lately and learning my trigges, and ways that I hav changed but can learn to love the new parts and way of my new self. self-love.
I have also slowly worked my way back into a more active lifestyle, though I am still home. I've stocked up on proteins and supplements that help to build and recover from workouts since its been so long since I have had my body be as active as I am now striving for and, I'm five days in, yes I know its early but I already feel a huge shift in my mental state regarding my self love... Which hasn't only come from working out, though I do know it releases dopamine, but from being with myself and moving forward instead of sitting still. Yesterday I had such a confident moment while being naked and I realized how much I truly miss thinking of myself in this way, which of course started this whole post. But I'm working my way through it and would love to keep you along with me during this journey. <3
And, again if you have been keeping up then you will know that I stay home, not only for my kids the one not old enough to be in school but also to be here in the afternoon with the two who are in school. I feel like this is something great for them and myself especially with homework time and one-on-one help with it.
But it helps with gas money and with upkeep of the house, well, when I have my good not depressed days. Looking in at the way I act and how I am when I am out of the house, you would never think I feel the way I do about myself. But lately I've noticed I no longer love who I am. I no longer feel the love that I had for myself whenever I was a few years younger.
Before I was a stay at home mom I worked 40+ hours a week, always up and moving around. I never needed a workout routine and never had to worry about gaining excess weight. I work a size 5 jeans and size small shirt and I was completely happy with myself I have been smaller in my day but where I was was perfect for me and perfect for loving myself. But two years ago, I quit my job to help take care of my mother and stay at home with her so she did not need to live in a nursing home. Along with her ending up getting so sick so fast I no longer had a babysitter for my kids. I never trusted and still do not trust anyone else to keep them or care for them like her and I have done. So, along with my reasons for staying home I simply do not feel anyone would care for my kids the way I want them cared for and do not trust them to even try.
So, whilst I prepared myself for the inevitable while also keeping my mother and kids happy with our arangment, when she did pass I went into a depression like no other. I stopped getting out of bed, I stopped going outside. I started NEEDING something to dull the pain, this happened to be alcohol, no I dont want to say that I was an alcoholic because it only last 3-4 months, but how long do you need something before it is considered an addiction? If it be when you feel you need something then I guess you can call it an addiction, because I could not go without it...
Along with this drinking and not getting out of bed, I ended up gaining a bit of extra weight. Though, my husband still told me I was beautiful I felt... Completely different inside and out. I no longer liked who I was, or how I looked. I hated everything about my body, and even now two years later I am still fighting with loving myself. Which is what this post is about, I am learning again to love myself and hopefully can help someone else to again love themselves, or to finally start.
So I've tried pills, drinks, wraps, anything that would help lose weight and get my body back --- none of which worked, because I used but never felt up to "working" my way back to where I was. But, I've been meditating and being with myself more lately and learning my trigges, and ways that I hav changed but can learn to love the new parts and way of my new self. self-love.
I have also slowly worked my way back into a more active lifestyle, though I am still home. I've stocked up on proteins and supplements that help to build and recover from workouts since its been so long since I have had my body be as active as I am now striving for and, I'm five days in, yes I know its early but I already feel a huge shift in my mental state regarding my self love... Which hasn't only come from working out, though I do know it releases dopamine, but from being with myself and moving forward instead of sitting still. Yesterday I had such a confident moment while being naked and I realized how much I truly miss thinking of myself in this way, which of course started this whole post. But I'm working my way through it and would love to keep you along with me during this journey. <3
Monday, February 8, 2016
So the Groundhog said Spring would be early...
I know, I'm a few days late on the whole "Groundhog Day" post, but hey better late than never are my words of wisdom, write that down!
I'm not sure about your weather for the past couple of weeks but for me in good ole NC, it has been very Springy, and I have LOVED it! I know it's February and it should still be cold, but those gorgeous sunny mildly warm days have been just beautiful! It also got me onto an early spring cleaning and of course, a carpet powder which smells of lively spring.
Yes yes, I'm going to give you the recipe and of course there is some DE in this which is great if you have animals and couldn't hurt even if you don't.
If you don't know what DE is it is diatomaceous earth and it's the fossilized remains of tiny, aquatic organisms called diatoms, which are found in most water sources i.e. rivers, lakes, streams, and oceans. What those fossilized remains do is they are so tiny and sharp that when brushed into animals hair it is too tiny to harm you or I or the animals but it actually cuts through fleas exoskeleton killing them in an unbelievably natural way. I mean not only can you place it in their fur to help deter fleas but you can eat it without it harming you as well. (Though I haven't tried, I may, I'm not sure) But during the spring, summer, and fall months I live by this stuff to help with not only fleas on my animals, but bugs in the garden. It works beautifully on potato plants and dealing with those eek gross potato bugs! I mean the uses, to me, seem endless!
Okay, I'm swinging back around to this intoxicating smell good carpet powder and the recipe to make it!
Now, I use essential oils FOR EVERYTHING! You're going to need three different oils for this recipe, and they're helpful even if you don't use them for this powder!
I use those creamer bottles that are tall with the little raindrop shaped hole in the lid to store my powder, because they hold a lot and their skinny enough not to take up too much room. Just make sure that you take the label off and write what you have in them!! Wouldn't want this powder in your coffee!
- One small box of baking soda
-Three tablespoons DE
-10 drops lemon essential oil
-8 drops orange essential oil
-5 drops lavender essential oil
use a long spoon or chopstick (like me) to mix it all together, I've realized doing this instead of closing the top and shaking mixes it better. Sprinkle it all over the carpet however liberal you want, I usually can still see my carpet and have a light dusting of this powder on the floor. Let this sit at least 15 minutes or as long as you want. Then vacuum it up and Ahhh, spring.. Ahhh, smells amazing! Though I like these smells in this amount you may not and all I recommend there is getting used to the way your oils smell and just experiment with amounts that you actually use.
-Namaste
I'm not sure about your weather for the past couple of weeks but for me in good ole NC, it has been very Springy, and I have LOVED it! I know it's February and it should still be cold, but those gorgeous sunny mildly warm days have been just beautiful! It also got me onto an early spring cleaning and of course, a carpet powder which smells of lively spring.
Yes yes, I'm going to give you the recipe and of course there is some DE in this which is great if you have animals and couldn't hurt even if you don't.
If you don't know what DE is it is diatomaceous earth and it's the fossilized remains of tiny, aquatic organisms called diatoms, which are found in most water sources i.e. rivers, lakes, streams, and oceans. What those fossilized remains do is they are so tiny and sharp that when brushed into animals hair it is too tiny to harm you or I or the animals but it actually cuts through fleas exoskeleton killing them in an unbelievably natural way. I mean not only can you place it in their fur to help deter fleas but you can eat it without it harming you as well. (Though I haven't tried, I may, I'm not sure) But during the spring, summer, and fall months I live by this stuff to help with not only fleas on my animals, but bugs in the garden. It works beautifully on potato plants and dealing with those eek gross potato bugs! I mean the uses, to me, seem endless!
Okay, I'm swinging back around to this intoxicating smell good carpet powder and the recipe to make it!
Now, I use essential oils FOR EVERYTHING! You're going to need three different oils for this recipe, and they're helpful even if you don't use them for this powder!
I use those creamer bottles that are tall with the little raindrop shaped hole in the lid to store my powder, because they hold a lot and their skinny enough not to take up too much room. Just make sure that you take the label off and write what you have in them!! Wouldn't want this powder in your coffee!
- One small box of baking soda
-Three tablespoons DE
-10 drops lemon essential oil
-8 drops orange essential oil
-5 drops lavender essential oil
use a long spoon or chopstick (like me) to mix it all together, I've realized doing this instead of closing the top and shaking mixes it better. Sprinkle it all over the carpet however liberal you want, I usually can still see my carpet and have a light dusting of this powder on the floor. Let this sit at least 15 minutes or as long as you want. Then vacuum it up and Ahhh, spring.. Ahhh, smells amazing! Though I like these smells in this amount you may not and all I recommend there is getting used to the way your oils smell and just experiment with amounts that you actually use.
-Namaste
Saturday, February 6, 2016
To Meditate or Not, that is the question.
So let me start off with HOLY SHIT, the last week was from HELL, well kind of. I mean for starters the week started with my son, who lost my mother in 2014 and lost his father's mother in 2015, finding out that my grandmother his great grandmother is now battling cancer and has an undisclosed amount of months left with us. So this got him a little riled along with myself because like any other 10-year-old who loses the two of the biggest figures in his life he is definitely not over either one of them. So hearing this news he kind of shelled back up but agreed that he would consider talking with a psychiatrist or a mentor who would help him to open up and get his mind off of such sad times while he's still so young. So, win for that, I know when I was asked to speak with one while I was 13 or 14 I refused and never really opened up to this woman either, which makes me happy that he has allowed even the thought of it to be talked about and agreed upon, now to find one he actually connects with. :) BUT, with all good things come bad.
Bryce has, of course, lost his grandmothers and with this comes repression, depression, heartbreak all the sad things imaginable, these women SPOILED him, he went on two beach trips a year, mountain trips, just car rides just to go I mean he always wanted to be with both of them, so I COMPLETELY get how upset he is, but I'm mom --- HE CAN NOT open up to me, though he has some which have been awesome but we're finding him someone else. So, since all of this has gone on Bryce has fluctuated with his grades, he missed school for four days when he grandmother passed so he also missed out on all the classroom work as well. But as he has been telling me he has been doing all of his work and doing his homework when he has it, he has NEVER lied about school or school work. Until this week, he spends weekends and some weekdays with his father and there has never been a problem of homework not being done and Monday morning he comes to me letting me know he had homework and did not do it over the weekend. This threw me, he has never done this what is up with him, so I tell him he is grounded from any kind of video game which are his go-to, and let him know I will be talking with his dad about this because lying about school is nothing I want to condone. Along with his lying about homework I receive his report card the next day with a teacher letting me know he has schoolwork that he is not doing, or turning in late --- which he has not stated he had done. This teacher is also asking for a conference because he is not "trying" is reading/writing something he has always loved, and I don't get why is his lowest grade and why is isn't doing what he needs to be. I will be having the conference next week, so we'll see how that goes.
Next shit storm of the week, though this isn't a big deal not for anyone without kids I guess, but Lilly is in first grade which celebrates the 100th day of school by dressing as old people. It's super cute seeing these little kids look so old and rocking it. But, me being the mom of the year, I completely forgot until we were pulling into the school and we see a little girl that was all dressed up and looking old... Needless to say, Lilly immediately scoffed and he eyes watered over with those tears from being so mad and also sad, the ones that sting, you know? As soon as the car rider lady opened the door she bolted out without even a goodbye. Lilly has NEVER just left without saying, at least, I love you, or bye. Now, I know I should have remembered I should have kept up with her, well to her, HUGE days at school. But I did not and she was so angry -- But Lilly is the kind of kid that wears her heart on he sleeve and I'm the mom who doesn't show emotion other than love to my kids. I had a good cry about it to Jordan while she was at school and realized I needed apologise to her for not remembering, because what is small to you and I as adults happen to be huge to children who are still in school and still going to be around "that kid" who remembers the most embarassing thing about you in 10th grade. I don't know if you have seen the movie "Inside Out" with the emotions in our heads, its by Pixar and you definitely need to check it out if not, I can honestly say its not just a kids movie. A part in the movie happens which makes a lot of her stronger memories turn sad -- because she tries to remain happy whenever she isn't, which is what I had been doing, and her as well, I tried NOT ruining the movie for you there but also trying to help explain how we got to where we did.. Lilly gets emotional easily and she was upset about going grocery shopping and didn't want to go inside the store so we send the boys and we stay behind, which was perfect for me to talk to her about letting emotions out. I explained sometimes you have to be sad to finally be happy just as the child in the movie had to, which made her think a bit. She couldn't figure out why she was so sad and I told her sometimes its hard to figure it out, that I had cried today as well about a lot. When she asked I let her know that I understood why she had been mad and that I should have remembered and I spent all day being mad at myself and how sorry I was to forget. This litterally mad her bawl and come to my side while we both cried together. In this moment I realized, something I have always been taught, to hold your emotions in front of your child was not as good as it is thought to be. This was the biggest Ah-Ha moments I have had in a long time. Not only did it help her to stop crying and myself but I could feel a huge shift in our relationship, just by opening up and actually letting hr know my emotions are just as raw and changing as hers.
Rileigh has remained the happiest kid, which when your three its hard to have a bad day compared to the bigger siblings, though he hardest decision in one day is whether we're going to watch "Dinosaur Train", "Dino Dan", or "Wild Kratts" this kid is going to be a paleontologist when she gets older!
Theres also a bit more, but seeing as this post is already quite long I think I will end with -- my house is the kind of quiet that is so loud in your ears that you just want to throw some headphones in to drown out the silence, I'm alone the kids are out, Jordan has a work related meeting out of town and I have Phoebe which is my newly rescued cat thats already winning over our hearts. The perfect thing I could do with this silence is meditate but with all the crazy thoughts and dreams I have been having this week, I'm scared to see what will come from meditating, the last time I had a good long meditation I came out questioning a lot of things and I'm scared when I do it this time I'll have the answers I'm so desperately trying to escape. But also thinking, why prolong the enevitable?
Bryce has, of course, lost his grandmothers and with this comes repression, depression, heartbreak all the sad things imaginable, these women SPOILED him, he went on two beach trips a year, mountain trips, just car rides just to go I mean he always wanted to be with both of them, so I COMPLETELY get how upset he is, but I'm mom --- HE CAN NOT open up to me, though he has some which have been awesome but we're finding him someone else. So, since all of this has gone on Bryce has fluctuated with his grades, he missed school for four days when he grandmother passed so he also missed out on all the classroom work as well. But as he has been telling me he has been doing all of his work and doing his homework when he has it, he has NEVER lied about school or school work. Until this week, he spends weekends and some weekdays with his father and there has never been a problem of homework not being done and Monday morning he comes to me letting me know he had homework and did not do it over the weekend. This threw me, he has never done this what is up with him, so I tell him he is grounded from any kind of video game which are his go-to, and let him know I will be talking with his dad about this because lying about school is nothing I want to condone. Along with his lying about homework I receive his report card the next day with a teacher letting me know he has schoolwork that he is not doing, or turning in late --- which he has not stated he had done. This teacher is also asking for a conference because he is not "trying" is reading/writing something he has always loved, and I don't get why is his lowest grade and why is isn't doing what he needs to be. I will be having the conference next week, so we'll see how that goes.
Next shit storm of the week, though this isn't a big deal not for anyone without kids I guess, but Lilly is in first grade which celebrates the 100th day of school by dressing as old people. It's super cute seeing these little kids look so old and rocking it. But, me being the mom of the year, I completely forgot until we were pulling into the school and we see a little girl that was all dressed up and looking old... Needless to say, Lilly immediately scoffed and he eyes watered over with those tears from being so mad and also sad, the ones that sting, you know? As soon as the car rider lady opened the door she bolted out without even a goodbye. Lilly has NEVER just left without saying, at least, I love you, or bye. Now, I know I should have remembered I should have kept up with her, well to her, HUGE days at school. But I did not and she was so angry -- But Lilly is the kind of kid that wears her heart on he sleeve and I'm the mom who doesn't show emotion other than love to my kids. I had a good cry about it to Jordan while she was at school and realized I needed apologise to her for not remembering, because what is small to you and I as adults happen to be huge to children who are still in school and still going to be around "that kid" who remembers the most embarassing thing about you in 10th grade. I don't know if you have seen the movie "Inside Out" with the emotions in our heads, its by Pixar and you definitely need to check it out if not, I can honestly say its not just a kids movie. A part in the movie happens which makes a lot of her stronger memories turn sad -- because she tries to remain happy whenever she isn't, which is what I had been doing, and her as well, I tried NOT ruining the movie for you there but also trying to help explain how we got to where we did.. Lilly gets emotional easily and she was upset about going grocery shopping and didn't want to go inside the store so we send the boys and we stay behind, which was perfect for me to talk to her about letting emotions out. I explained sometimes you have to be sad to finally be happy just as the child in the movie had to, which made her think a bit. She couldn't figure out why she was so sad and I told her sometimes its hard to figure it out, that I had cried today as well about a lot. When she asked I let her know that I understood why she had been mad and that I should have remembered and I spent all day being mad at myself and how sorry I was to forget. This litterally mad her bawl and come to my side while we both cried together. In this moment I realized, something I have always been taught, to hold your emotions in front of your child was not as good as it is thought to be. This was the biggest Ah-Ha moments I have had in a long time. Not only did it help her to stop crying and myself but I could feel a huge shift in our relationship, just by opening up and actually letting hr know my emotions are just as raw and changing as hers.
Rileigh has remained the happiest kid, which when your three its hard to have a bad day compared to the bigger siblings, though he hardest decision in one day is whether we're going to watch "Dinosaur Train", "Dino Dan", or "Wild Kratts" this kid is going to be a paleontologist when she gets older!
Theres also a bit more, but seeing as this post is already quite long I think I will end with -- my house is the kind of quiet that is so loud in your ears that you just want to throw some headphones in to drown out the silence, I'm alone the kids are out, Jordan has a work related meeting out of town and I have Phoebe which is my newly rescued cat thats already winning over our hearts. The perfect thing I could do with this silence is meditate but with all the crazy thoughts and dreams I have been having this week, I'm scared to see what will come from meditating, the last time I had a good long meditation I came out questioning a lot of things and I'm scared when I do it this time I'll have the answers I'm so desperately trying to escape. But also thinking, why prolong the enevitable?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)